God is Love-My Divine Experience

One evening in March 1998, most unexpectedly, I got the gift of tasting one of the most beautiful Divine Experiences. This experience lasted several hours. It altered my inner being permanently. It was like a new birth. Today is my birthday (June 8), the day my physical being was born but that intense day in March 1998 can be called my Spiritual birthday.  Today, on my birthday, I feel like taking the time to write about this experience. (Even if I am not able to edit the post properly I want to at least post the draft version today).

Please know that it’s most difficult to convey the Divine Experience in words. It’s an effort to describe the indescribable.  It’s an effort to explain something that defies all physical laws and mental concepts of ‘time’. It can only convey a rough idea. It can’t be understood by the human mind. Human Mind is extremely limited in nature. Even I as a direct experiencer I can not understand it intellectually. I want to emphasize that I had no prior knowledge or concept of such Divine experiences prior to this day.

That pleasant Spring evening in Dallas,Texas I was in a Metaphysical Bookstore, about 40 mins away from home, for a meditation gathering.  Interestingly no one but I showed up!  I had a long meditation by myself. I did not feel anything unusual before, during or immediately after the meditation. I was feeling very peaceful and pleasant though.

It was after dusk and hardly any traffic on the roads. Mine was the only other car in the small parking lot besides shop keeper’s car.  I got into the car, turned on my car engine, put the car in Drive and pushed the accelerator absentmindedly.

That very instant there was a sound of a shockingly gigantic loud explosion. For a split second I thought my car blew up in a bomb explosion. But amazingly I was still there and before I could react to the explosive sound anymore I was soaking in Divine Love. It was as if the whole Universe had opened up 360°; it was all open Space, it was the whole Existence right there…

How do I describe that Love? It’s almost not right to even give that Love a name of Love.  It was purer than pure. It was beyond imagination. This Love was not a part of the Existence. The Existence itself was Love.  This Existence didn’t have Love, It didn’t Express Love, IT was LOVE ITSELF.

It was as if this all pervading Love was overflowing nonstop, dripping like rain drops everywhere.  I’ll call it ‘Love Drop’.  Each Love Drop was taking a physical Form …it was what the whole of Nature is made of….each tree, each blade of grass, each dew drop, each insect, each human body, each drop of water…

Everything, the whole Existence, was not just created and then filled with love (like jelly is filled in a Jelly donut) but the very substance of everything was made of  Pure Love.  The very nature, the very being of everything was Love.

During all this experience I was not aware of my body.  I don’t know how much time lapsed.  I was not even aware at that time that I was having that experience.  It is only later I was able to think and give words to that experience.

When you change the gear in a standard shift car there is a slight pause and jerk. Almost kind of like that gear shift there was a shift in my experience suddenly.

I became aware that I was in the car even though I still didn’t remember  my physical body. This ‘I’ was more like an ‘I’ as an Awareness.  My focus went on the car front windshield. It was as if I was in a vehicle flying at supersonic speed in open dark SPACE and billions of shimmering stars were flying  towards my windshield from opposite direction at lightening speed too. They were not colliding with or touching the windshield. They were flying past my windshield.

I also became aware that I had been crying a lot. I still couldn’t feel or sense my body but I knew tears were flowing non-stop because I was overwhelmed with all the Divine Love.

Again, I had no sense of actual physical space or time. It seems like that flying through Space of stars went on for a long time.

Then another sudden gear shift in experiencing happened. THE EXPERIENCE OF COMPLETE ONENESS WITH THE DIVINE.

Up until now I was a separate awareness experiencing but in a snap I BECAME IT.  I WAS THAT OMNIPRESENT LOVE! I WAS THE FORMLESS ONE DRIPPING LOVE DROPS THAT WAS TRANSFORMING INTO FORM EVERYWHERE. IT WASN’T IT AND I. IT WAS ALL I. I was in God and God was in me. We were One and the same.

(This is the most enlightening experience in understanding what our self-realized Spiritual Masters mean when they say ‘I’.  Their individual “I”ness  is totally merged wih the Cosmic “I”.  When they say “I say to you…” or “Follow me….” or “I am….” they speak from this Divine ONENESS, this COSMIC ‘I’ness.  It doesn’t have anything to do with their Form OR Body or physical identity. We are not EQUAL to the Supreme Intelligence but we are of the same nature).

I was the FORMLESS AND the FORM all pervading and timeless.  I was EVERYTHING AND NOTHING AT THE SAME TIME.

I continued to have no sense of time or space during this experience.

Suddenly another major gear shift occoured.   I became aware of myself in the car too. I call it the MACRO ME and MINI ME.  I was Everything, all Pervading, Eternal and I was contained in the body self too. It was extremely thrilling and exhilarating blissful feeling that ‘I” ,the all Pervading, was also the “I” in a physical body EXPRESSING ITSELF and EXPERIENCING ITSELF through the body and personality of Ritu.

I ‘knew’ I was in the body of Ritu and that Ritu was behind the wheel of the car driving but I couldn’t exactly ‘feel’ my body.  I knew I was driving but couldn’t see or feel my arms or hands or my legs .

But, at that moment I thought, if I can’t feel the physical body of Ritu then what is the part that is doing this thinking? Where is this awareness coming from? Where is the part that is differentiating between the Cosmic I and mini-me? When I questioned that I could sense some limited space over the head, where my physical head would have been had I been able to actual feel my physical body, where all these thoughts seem to be coming from.

Next I became aware of Mini-Me being completely overwhelmed with the LOVE again, bawling with non-stop stream of tears and questioning ‘How do we humans forget this Truth about ourselves?”, “How do we get so separated from our True Selves?” “How can we commit horrendous crimes, hate, be violent and inflict pain on others?”

Through this heart wrenching overwhelmed state I continued to have no awareness of how much time had elapsed and how was I able to drive all the way from the bookstore to the house on streets and highways. I never saw the ‘road’ in front of me the little bit that I was aware of driving. It was only driving through billions of stars in Space flying by.

I did suddenly become aware of myself pulling into the driveway of my house with still nonstop tears streaming down my eyes and face.

I walked into the house. It was late at night. Everyone was asleep. I do not recollect how long or how I changed and got into bed but as soon as I sat in bed the temporarily halted experience restarted.

There were many other aspects to the continued experience for several hours, including Divine Smells surrounding me and inside of me. I will try to describe those in another post later.

I am eternally grateful for the Divine Grace of my GuruJi, Sri 1008 Yogiraj Swami Mohan Das Ji,  to get such experiences which have made me understand that we ourselves are the Director, Playwright, Actors and Spectators of our own Play.  There is no such thing as a Punishing Vengeful God. There is no one to blame. All is action and consequences . We choose to make our life Heaven or Hell depending on the State of our Mind.  The Eternal is Formless dancing its dance through ever changing Forms.

God is Love, Love is God and we are One with the Supreme Intelligence.

Blessed Be.

Ritu

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